So all of us at one time or another, gets into a rut in our significant relationships. The spark fades, the conversations loose excitement, and the sex feels routine. We all enter relationships with high expectations of “how it’s going to be” but, then reality hits and we soon find ourselves feeling frustrated and disappointed. It is easy to fall in love; however it is quite difficult to stay in love. Have you ever seen a couple in their mid 80’s who still have that spark, respect, and openness in their relationship? It is a rare find, but I’ll tell you what, when you see it, it’s a beautiful thing. Here are 10 practical tips that you can utilize to improve your relationship NOW. Some of these tips are from the research gathered by John Ghottman, word renowned marriage expert. Feel free to leave your comments or additional tips; we would love to hear from you!
1. Give and receive a lot of “Emotional Bids” every day. What is an emotional bid? Good question! It is so basic! An emotional bid is a concept developed by Dr. John Ghottman. It’s the building block of emotional connection. A bid is any attempt to keep the relationship moving forward and in a positive direction. Bids can be verbal, nonverbal, physical, or non-physical. A bid needs to be received and acknowledged for it to count as a bid. It can be a gesture, touch, a look, or response. A bid is perhaps saying hi to your spouse and they saying hi back, touching your partners leg and they smile. Asking your wife a question and she answers. It is any form of connection made where the other person acknowledges the connection. The Happily married couple engages one another as many as 100 times in 10 minutes during a dinner conversation. The couple headed for divorce engages only 65 times in ten minutes. So bid and bid some more!!!!
2. Kiss every day for at least 10 seconds. Okay so this may sound silly, but the research shows that couples that connect through physical touch every day are happier overall in their relationships. So plant a big one on your spouse tonight!
3. Say you’re sorry sincerely when you have made a mistake. We all make mistakes and often time’s bitterness grows in relationships when you do not make the reconciliation necessary to let the other person know you are sorry.
4. Compliment your partner at least once a day. For every time you criticize your partner, you should be complimenting them at least 3 times.
5. Date your spouse. Reserve 1 day each week where you and your spouse go out on a date. Don’t have money! No biggie, create fun frugal dates where you don’t have to spend money. Like packing a picnic driving close to the airport and watch planes come in!
6. Pray together. The saying, “a couple that prays together stays together” is so true. In prayer, we are presenting our requests to God and we can pray for our spouse, family, and friends. Pray works like glue in a relationship, it keeps us unified.
7. Spend at least 20 minutes each day talking to one another. (Not about the kids). Ask questions like you did on your first couple dates; get to know each other in new ways.
8. Talk openly and honestly about your relationship. Be honest with one another about your preferences, likes, and dislikes, this includes the sexual part of your relationship. Do not take it personally if your spouse does not like something sexually; be open to feedback and trying something different.
9. Serve together. Service to others is a wonderful thing. Get involved in a community event or an outreach event at your church. Through serving we can get outside of ourselves. In my opinion, prayer and service can work as a wonderful cure for selfishness. We are all selfish at times, but we can do things to put others first. Ironically, when we start to put others first, we feel happier about our own lives.
10.) Fight fair. This is so important! Its value can not be undermined. I have seen countless couples get stuck in the bickering game with no real solutions, it’s heartbreaking. I found a wonderful article on fighting fair from the University Of Texas- Austin Counseling Department.
That’s all for now, have a great week everybody!
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